Stages

Howdy Boys,

I thought it would be a good idea to write to you guys today. I had one of those weekends that matter. It’s a Monday today, and early on Saturday I went down to Grammie and Grampies by myself to meet Nana, Donnie, Cathy and my cousins Dick, Don, and Kim. You both wanted badly to come with me but JD had a game and a birthday party and Mom is due to have Lincoln in three weeks so we elected that I would go alone.

We were meeting at G and G’s because it looks like their house finally sold. It’s been on the market for six months or so and for a while it seemed hopeless. Anyway, we went down to clean it out from top to bottom. Couches, chairs, pictures, dishes; everything.

It was interesting to me that this weekend brought no spouses or kids, just the original Weafer family. Brother, Sister and their kids. Its strange cuz this family is very close and everyone always shows up for stuff like this. I’m sure others didn’t come as there are many young kids, and people were thinking that it might be best to let the adults work alone. I thought it was almost, “Meant to be.” I’m sure all things happen for a reason and maybe this was just one of those things?

There are a lot of memories in Grampie’s house. We used to have every Christmas there growing up. Grammie put on a huge spread and Grampie entertained down in the playroom at the bar or in his chair. Meg and I spent every Tuesday and Thursday there for a few years growing up as Gram watched us while Mom and Dad worked. This was the place that the Weafer family gathered. My cousins and I were able to touch on some of these memories as we were busting our buts to get the house emptied in a day and a half. Cathy found the measuring cup that Gram used when baking, and we all got a chuckle (and a little teary) at how it was double the size of a normal cup and there were NO MORE measuring lines! We talked about the pink vs the blue bathrooms, the basketball hoop outback, and Grampie’s black and white TV at the dinner table.

As we were packing up, I was thinking about my Mom and Uncle. This is where they grew up. Their things, and their parent’s things were to be removed in just one day. One day? The last year (two years really) have been hard on everyone dealing with the failing of G and G but this unloading still seemed strange to me. Not in a bad way, but in one of those necessary, “Life stage” ways. I’m 33 now and I’m starting to become conscious of some of the stages.

Throughout this process there were tears and laughs as there always are when we all get together. There was also a remarkable sense of peace amongst us all. At least I thought there was. Mom and Don had their kids there to help them through the beginning of this tough stage of life. I know they are both appreciative of the help, but I wonder if they also know that this kind of means that they were successful in carrying out what their parents always wanted of/for them; A well put together, grounded, supportive, loving family. A family that will come from near and far on almost any occasion to help their parents and each other through difficult times, not cuz they have to, because they prefer to. I’m not sure what could be more important that instilling this lesson in your children.

We visited G and G in the assisted living place and it was sad. Simply, sad. They used to be vibrant, sociable, witty people. Now they aren’t. We spent a lot of time listening to unrealistic statements from Grammie; while Grampie sat there knowing none of the things she was saying would happen. Entertaining friends, driving to church, going for walks, those days are done and Grampie knew it. I wondered yesterday what is worse, knowing that those things that Gram mentioned aren’t realistic or still holding on to the dream that they are.

My cousins, Aunt, Uncle, and Mom worked very well together. We got everything done. That wasn’t the important thing this weekend, though. The important thing this weekend was the ever present sense of family camaraderie, support and teamwork. The type that only a family can provide. I have great friends and had similar experiences with them, but this is much different. I drove back home last night with the sense that I knew what was important again. Like that flame was rekindled or maybe just that the smoke cleared a bit. Once in a while (usually in crisis), for one reason or another, the important things in life are made so clear that you wonder how they ever got overshadowed by the everyday monotony.

The relationships we build and the people we love are important. Today, I’m remembering that we aren’t around for too long and so often we let the stupid shit get in the way of what is meaningful. We let many things go unsaid. I know I do. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable or may seem inappropriate to express the way we feel to the people we care about. It’s this way for me, anyway. I know people who are feuding with brothers or sisters, and parents that have children that don’t speak. For what, I wonder? Some hurtful words, or misconceived ideas? I hope our family doesn’t have to deal with this stuff as we go through life, and if we do I hope we have the foresight to overcome it.

I came home last night to both of you boys running to great me at the door as you always do. Both of you saying, “I missed you so much.” (It had only been one day but I missed you too). I could barely make myself a sandwich as you were both talking non-stop about your weekend, the birthday, the new games, JD got 4 hits in baseball, Adam helped mom outside, ect. I just watched and listened. This is the shit that matters. Not the poor economy, not completing projects at home or politics at work. It’s the relationships we build with the people we love. I hope that I can keep this in focus for a bit longer, before the lines get blurred again. There will be many times in your life as you grow up when the truly important stuff won’t seem important. In fact, I think for much of our lives its best if we take it for granted because when you stumble upon it, it will seem that much more important. When you have a job that sucks, or your girlfriend breaks your heart, maybe you strike out three times in a game, or as you get older you lose a job, I want you to remember that you’ll always have my love and support to help see you through, no matter what the circumstance.